Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Trying to catch up with life

There are those times in life where too many things are happening at once. Right now, I'm going through this (albeit, gracefully).

Here's some life events that I'm trying to navigate my way through. I'll list them below:

1. Dating
2. New job
3. Looking for an apartment / anticipating living on my own
4. Anticipating future online classes 

#1  I'll start with the first event. Dating. (-__-;;) I guess I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I should date to meet a future partner if I ever want to have one in this lifetime. I know, I know... this sounds dramatic but it's my thought process right now. I believe I've already spilled my guts about my 'relationship virgin' status so I won't get into that. I'm using online dating as a tool to meet people but it's pretty difficult. So far, I've lasted 5 dates with one person but it ended up dissolving. Currently, I'm chatting with a different guy from the dating app and I've decided that for now, I'm just going to chat with one guy at a time. I tried doing multiple chatting with different guys at first and it was a bit much.

I already don't like how online dating makes people more disposable, like items you shop for. So instead of always looking for greener pastures so to speak, I'm just going to try focusing on one person at a time. It just seems more genuine that way, especially if you're doing well texting with them. Perhaps I should try a phone chat too before meeting in person..

I don't think most people really understand how difficult it is for someone very introverted to date. I know my coworkers and friends mean well when they tell me to just "go out there and meet people." I'm seriously hesitant to believe that will work for me because I'm just that awkward when it boils down to flirting and hinting that I'm interested. And activities I like to do? Only WOMEN would be interested in those activities! I try to think of "going out" activities and most of those involve me reading a book in the library, visiting a cute cafe, or shopping at a clothing or department store. D: Other more exciting activities would lack authenticity if I did them as I don't enjoy them.

#2  As for the new job, it's been about 3 months since I started. Orientation ended a couple weeks ago and I was plunged into the world of being an independent nurse. It hasn't been so bad. I feel as if I'm being babied with the low number of patients I start off with in the morning (approximately 3). But it doesn't really matter. Whatever they want to do, they can do. I'm just happy I don't feel like I'm drowning. My job also has a lot of supplemental education, not only the online content but also quizzes at work and classes to attend. (T_T) It's nice that they give us education but it sure seems like a lot when starting out. And to top it off, meetings and being a part of a mandatory committee. I'm still unsure of what being part of a committee entails but I'm sure I'll find out eventually. The silver lining through all of this is the fact that I 'usually' have 4 days of the week to my leisure.

#3  Looking for an apartment has actually proven to be kind of a fun activity for me. I like looking at the different floor plans and how the prices change over time. It's the reality of living on my own scares me. I have this ideal fantasy about how it will be but in reality, I don't exactly know what to expect. I'm hoping that I'll at least be able to keep my shit together.

#4  The online class thing is just something that I have to get done. Once I get into a routine, I'm sure it won't be so bad. It's more anticipation than anything else.

Reviewing the amount of text I've written for each event, whatever I listed appears to be in the correct order of most stressful to least stressful. Why does dating have to be so stressful? At this point in my life, I think it's the idea of never having the relationship experience more than anything. I'll have to have the experience to think any further than that.