Thursday, June 1, 2017

Dating makes me T I R E D

It's been about half a month of dating escapades. Specifically, online dating. I honestly don't see much of a difference once things go offline unless the couple was friends before or something. I'm fortunate to have not encountered any obvious pervs or creepos thus far.

But I get sooooooo worn out from dating. Mentally.

Let me give an example.

I've been on about 3 dates so far with one guy. He is nice, friendly, and polite but as I get to know him more with each passing date, I also get more anxious about his intentions and if we even have that magical connection everyone keeps talking about. So many questions plague my mind after these dates.

Should I keep seeing him? Why does he check his phone so often? (Note: I found out the answer to this question on date #2). Who is supposed to be paying on these dates? If he lets me split the bill, does that indicate that he only sees me as a friend? Since he asked ME out somewhere, does this mean he should be paying? Should I be dating a guy who isn't at a stable point in his life yet? Is he a psychopath? 😱

I guess this is the reality of people dating others out of college/school years. There's so much more sh*t to factor into a person. Even if you happened to 'connect', there's always another thing you would have to consider such as if they have a decent job or if they have similar values to your own about life.

Online dating also makes everything more disposable because there are so many options and possibilities. If you don't like a person, you can just cut it off and date someone else, right? It's harsh, but that seems to be the reality of online dating.

The last date I went on was a hike, lunch, and a walk around a festival nearby. It was nice but the weather was hot so that probably drained me even more. When I got home, I literally just took a shower and went to bed. And luckily the next day, I was off so I slept in and then ruminated for half the day about a few of the questions mentioned above. Mostly about who should be paying on dates and if a guy accepts my offer to split the bill, does this mean he sees me in a more platonic way.

This all probably sounds silly but this is from my own personal values about how I approach dating. It's also frustrating because it's not socially acceptable to be talking about financial aspects of the relationship in the initial phase of dating. I can't even communicate my concerns to the other person when I want to without appearing strange and awkward.

It's definitely in my personality to overthink and analyze every detail in a situation. My emotional memory is actually quite excellent if what happened was significant enough. If I had an unpleasant experience with another person, I would remember almost everything that was said up to the little details of their facial expressions in each moment.

This is an irritating part of my personality that I can't get rid of. I hate over analyzing. It's like a switch that I can't turn off.

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